F I A T- blog by Mia Kroeter

By: Mia Kroeter 
 
“You’re trying to earn God’s love,” he smiled, “you can’t do it.”
 
My world shattered.  What?
 
He continued, “You’ve been trying to earn God’s love. You can’t, no one can. So stop trying! Because He loves you just by being who you are.”
“When God created the universe, He made only one you.” He motioned his arm, encompassing the whole of the abbey. The powerful brick walls, the beautifully painted fresco, the lights of chandeliers reflected on the polished marble floors. Neat rows of wooden monk stalls, filled with priests hearing confessions; offering travel tissues, giving comfort, consolation, absolution, “Everything.” He said, “But only one  you.” 
 
“You,” He pointed to me, “No one in the world who exists, no one in all of history, or even in the future, is exactly the same. He made only one  you, and you are good.”
 
“So I’ll tell you what, for your penance, this is what you have to do: Let God love you, for you.”
 
When I went back to my pew I was completely flummoxed.
You mean, no prayers, no act of contrition, no nothing, I’m just-
I checked myself.  No.I thought. I wasn’t going to keep buying into the lie, that lie that had gnawed away at me my whole life, that I was not good, that I had to earn God’s love.
“Okay Lord. Fine,” I looked up to the abbey’s fresco, a beautiful image of God the Father, painted in gold and yellow on the top. “Help me God, to let you love me for me.”
Me… 
And then the realization hit me,
Who am I ??
   
            This past June teens from around the country traveled to Atchison Kansas for the Life Teen Leadership Conference, a.k.a. LTLC. Hosted by Benedictine College, one teen summed it up when they remarked, “Is this what the world would be like if everyone was Catholic?”. Safe to say, the entire week sticks in my mind as an example of what “heaven on earth” looks like. Annually hosted by the beautiful people at Life Teen, every LTLC is unique, a different theme being chosen each year. This year’s theme was “Fiat”, the first word God speaks in the Latin vulgate of the Bible, and the word used by Mary at the Annunciation. Fiat means “Let it be.” When God says  Fiat lux, “Let there be light” there is light. When Mary says fiat mihi secundum verbum tuum, “let it be done unto me according to thy word”, the light of the world is made incarnate in her womb. “Incarnate” means to be made flesh. The Word, God’s Word of creation, “Fiat” becomes man:
“And the Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us…” (John 1:14).
 
At the conference the speakers from Life Teen gave us another definition of Fiat. “Fiat” is an invitation to God, to reveal to you who you are.
 
So in that moment when I asked God  Who am I?, I remembered those words. So, from the bottom of my heart as I knelt in that abbey I prayed:
 
Fiat.
 
And God answered.
 
Granted, it took a week to fully understand all of it, but in that moment I had the answer already in my mind: I am a child of God.
 
After coming to the conclusion that I was a child of God, I still wrestled with the insecurity of being affirmed by others. I feared what others would think about my faith, and the love I have for God. As I pondered this in Mass the next day, I remembered the words that the speaker Mark Hart had said that morning:
 
“There is not a higher affirmation than God wanting to dwell in you. The greatest affirmation in the history of creation is the Eucharist.”
 
My eyes shot up to the fresco, and my gaze locked with that of God the Father. And in that moment, I recalled the Baptism of Jesus:
 
 “You are my beloved Son; with you I am well pleased.” (Mark 1:11)
 
Except now those words were being said to me, as they’re said to all of us. I walked down the aisle with such purpose, and when I received the Eucharist, my heart swelled. And as I took the cup of Christ’s blood, I felt, in a way words can’t adequately express, the intimate love of the Trinity. I started to cry, tears of joy, because my Glorious Father was telling me, “I’m proud of you!”.
  The next opportunity we had for silent prayer I made a beeline for the abbey. I knew I had to look at that fresco again.
 
When I got inside, the whole church was silent. The lights were off, the space illumined by rays of sunlight streaming through the towering windows.
 
I found the same area I had prayed in at Mass, and carefully lowered the kneeler to try and preserve the holy silence. I knelt down, made the sign of the cross, and felt a tug on my heart. I looked up into the fresco behind the altar, and within I found the consolations of God the Father. Without words, through that golden representation, God the Father spoke. An indescribable embrace of peace swept over, around, into, and through me.
And I just rested in His arms.
 
I had always heard it, “God is love, God is your Father, God loves you.”
But I never truly believed it in my heart, until that moment. 
 
And nothing I say will ever convince you of that truth.
 
Only God can.
 
So what are you waiting for?
 
You just need to begin. Start pursuing a relationship with God, and you will meet Him. Ask for the gift of the Holy Spirit: 
 
“And I tell you, ask and you will receive; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives; and the one who seeks, finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.” (Luke 11:9-10)
 
Eventually you’ll find yourself in a certain place where you will have a personal encounter with God. No one is the same, and God is calling you to find Him in a way no one else in all of existence can.
God, the God who loves you, wishes to reveal to you His unending love.
The only question is, will you let Him?
 
So, we pray:
God, Our Heavenly Father, reveal your love to us. Help us to let you into our lives, and to enter into a relationship with you. I trust in you, my God, to work your will in me in your time, and I trust in your love for me. I am totally yours, do with me what you will. Let me, let you love me for who I am: your own child. 
Fiat.
Amen.
 
About the Author: 
Mia Kroeter is a Senior at Saint Pius X High school. She’s a Catholic nerd, loves choir singing, can quote “The Princess Bride” in its entirety, has oodles of doodles. Loves all things Tolkien, loves the color yellow and her confirmation Saint is Saint Helena.